It's Okay, It's Alright

It's crazy how things can change with a blink of an eye. Sometimes the change is good, and sometimes it isnt.

It's crazy how you can have love for a person, and then it stops. Sometimes for the good, or the worse.

Im Happy With The Person I Am Now, And Who I Am With! Im Happy I Found Someone Who Relates To Me And My Every Problem. Its Nice To Have Him Around To Keep A Smile On My Face.

Jerry Surnip<3

Happiness.

"Someday Someone Will Walk Into Your Life And Make You Realize Why It Never Worked Out With Anyone Else"



When Someone Loves, They Love Hard. When Someone Cares, They Burst Out. When Someone Is Betrayed, They Use Anger, And Lash Out. When Someone Tries Again, They Just Assume The Same Will Happen, So They Act Up, Letting The Anger Of The Past Control Who They Want To Love, Who They REALLY Want To Care About,Or Who They Deserve. You Cant Live Your Life In The Past, Move Forward And Give It Your All. Cause One Day That Person You Are Destined To Be With Walks Into Your Life, And You Cant Realize It Because Your Suck In The Past. Dont Let Them Slip Away. Just Remember This: Underneath ANGER, Is Hurt, And Underneath Hurt, Is LOVE.

Differnece.

Do You Believe In Fate? Or Love At First Sight? Even Destiny? Well, If You Ask Most People They Say Yes. Now If You Ask Them "Can You Describe It?" They Would Most Likely Say "I Cant, You Just Feel It." See I Believe, In Fate, Love At First, And Destiny, And I Always Said " I Cant Explain It." That All Changed On 10/30/10...Let Me Tell You How.

"Hey! Are You Nicki Minaj??"
"Hell Yeah:)"
"Oh Well Hey You Want A Shot?? Maybe Two??"
"Yeahhh!! Give Me Twwoooo! Thanks!"
With That Little Conversation, I Felt An Attraction So Strong That I Couldnt Help But Smile. Yeah I Was Shy, Buh I Flirted. He Walked Away, And I Went To Do My Thingg. I Was Walking On The Dance Floor, And Thats When I Bumped Into Him:)
"Omg! Im Sorry!"
"It's Ok NICKIIII!"
"Haha"
"Hey You Want Anotherrr??"
"Is It Strong? If It Is HELL TO THE NO!"
"Haha, Yeah It Is."
Before I Could Answer, I Was Pulled Away By Amy. We Went Back To The Garage To Watch The Beer Pong Game. Then As I Look To My Left, I Saw That Similar Buh Beautiful Face. I Had Chills, And Butterflies. I Kept My Composure.
"Hey You"
"Hey:)"
"Wanna Be My Beer Pong Partner Next Game?"
"Yeah Sure, Haha. I Suck Tho!"
"Awe It's Ok I Got You Covered!"
We Began To Play And He Asked Me My REAL Name, Where I Was From, If I Was Having A Good Time, You Know The Usual! I Answered. Then Asked Him The Same.
Jerry. Jerry Was Hes Name, And It Fit Him So Well. As We Played I Started To Realize, That He SUCKED At The Game. So I Got My Game Face On, And Started Sinking Those Balls In The Little Red Cups:) He Looked At Me And Smiled. I Smiled. He Laughed. I Giggled. It Was Adorable. Before We Got To Finish, I Noticed Red Lights OutSideee. The Cops Had Came. We Went Into The House, And Posted By A Capnet. I Didnt Ask For Hes Number, Buh He Said:
"Hey, Before You Go, Let Me Give You My Number"
I Said Ok, And He Put It In My Phone, Then He Texted Himself, So He Could Have My Number. I Lefted.
We Texted All Night, Untill We Both Fell Asleep, And Texted The Whole Next Day. It Wasnt The Same Boring Convo's I Havee. It Was Fun, Serious, And We Really Got To Know Eachother! I Started To Like Him, Buh I Was Not Going To Tell Him. He Asked Me, When He Could Take Me Out..I Never Been On A Date, So I Was Excited. I Told Him About My Game On Friday And We Could Chill After I Was Done. He Said No, He Will Just Pick Me Up From My House, And He Will Go To My Game With ME:) I Was Shockeddd! He Came, Met My Family, Then We Bounced. After My Game, He Took Me To Eat, Then Cosmic Bowling. I Have Never Had That Much Fun In My Life. The Next Day, We Were Hanging Out Again. He Took Me To The Movies, Then After That We Went To Meet Up With Katie, Amy, And My Sister At A Party. My Sister Instantly Had An Connection, Not In That Way, Buh A Brother-Sister One. Ever Since 10/30/10, I Had Found Someone, Who Makes Me Feel Like The Real Me.

Unstoppable!

your nothing buh a human, just a waste of life, yeah yu just a sprem doner! im not gunna let you defeat me, ill defeat you! your nothing, keep knocking buh you wont knock me, its alil to late to sorry, wah you say dont hurt me! you get no love, wah comes around comes around, and i dont need you, and i dont wanna see you! im done caring and wasting my tears on someone who cant even be a MAN! fuck you!

Damn

you see right thru me and i hate it, i dont know why i let you. i should stop. how do you do that SHIT??!!

R.I.P Baby JR.

to make a long story short. my girl dog got the diease parvo, which is deadly to dogs. and we didnt know and my mom took her to the vet and they said she was too far gone to save:( so my mom put her to sleep. very hard to do. Her previous owners said she had her first vaccine for parvo but she didnt. she had three dogs one dog didnt get parvo because a good friend took him. buh jr and diego got it. jr is my love, he was first born, and i named him myself. he got it before diego. we were taking care of him up in till today. we took him to he vet and by that time he was just like hes mom... we put him to sleep...im still hurting still crying buh i know hes in a better place...diego is on home treatment. and im praying he will be ok!! uhh today was a rough day!

Favorite Lines From Songs:)

"Said Ill Be Leaving Without You Babe. Baby Im Going Going Gone"
"My Heart Big But It Beat Quiet"
"I Believe In People Like You"
" Money Just Changed Everything, I Wonder How Life Without It Would Go"
"Falling To Fast Clearly Rules Dont Apply"
"R.I.P To The Girl You Use To See, her Days Are Over"
"I Hate Getting Messages From You, You Know The Perfect Shit To Say. Fucks Up My Whole Day"
"Now You Got Someone Who Dont Treat You Right, You Already Know Who Use To Treat You Right"
"Its Unfortunate You Didn Believe In Me"
"I Wish We Never Did It, And I Wish We Never Loved It,"
"You Aint Gunna Tie Me Down"
"Nightmare On Your Street When I Come Around"
"Cause You Know Life Is What We Make It, And A Chance Is Like A Picture, Itd Be Nice If You Take"

You Never Know How Things Will Turn Out..

My Heart And Soul Are Slowly Breaking Down.

Im Missing The Man I Loved To Be Around.

I Hate Knowing Your Miles Away From Me

I Need You More, And The Relationship That Use To Be

How Could You Hurt Me? How Could You Just Leave?

I Ask These Questions Everyday, Tears Is All I Recieve

Remeber The Times We Shared? We Became So Close

Out Of All My Sisters Boyfriends, I Loved You The Most

Mmm. I Wonder If Ill Ever See Your Face Again?

If I Do, Ill Do My Best To Keep My Feelings Contained

Im Not In The Right State Of Mind. I Cant Even Focus In School.

All I Wanna Do Is Come Home And Have Our Little Duels

I Just Want The Chance To Talk To You, And Hug You

And I Know Everyone Would Think Im A Fool But I Dont Care Because You Will Always Be My Big Brother I Pinky Promise Ill Stay Strong And Tougher.

New Phone!!

My New Phone Is The Shit! I Love It. Its A Droid Phone:) Thanks Mama Your The Best!!

Man Ive Been Emotional Drained Lately!! I Need To Forget Everything And Let Loose. Amyy Wah We Doing This Weekend Shid!! Same Shid Buh Differnet Ending?? Haha I Love You Amyfiadee! Mhmm. I Got Cheer Tomrow! Uhh Sucks. Sierra Is This Week!!!!!! Damn Im Too Nervoussss!! Hopefully Everything Goes Well. And I Am Going To Take A Picture With Him Its Only Fair. I Dont Care If Anyone Disagreesss!! Im Soo Hungry BUH Dont Wanna Eat. That Is Not Normal For Me:( I Wanna See Montae And Yaya Again! Haha Never A Dull Timee;) HELLLOO!! Mhhmm Has It Been Five Minutes?? Almosttt. Wah Can I Talk Aboutttt. How Bout How Awesome I Amm!! Shidddd!!! I Love Music! Omg Come On Minute!! 9:14 And It Feels Like Time Has Stopped!! Wait Its 9:15 !!! Goodbye

Trust.

What Is Trust?
Honestly I Am Trying To Figure Out What It Is. I Have Put So Much Trust In Certain Situations, And Relationships, I Cant Give Anymore Out. I Feel As Though Im Undecisive With Alot Of Wants.I Always Tell Every Guy Not To Trust Me, Cause Honestly I Dont Care If I Hurt Them. They Have Hurt Me And Never Cared. I Wonder If What I Want Is Even Here? I Wonder If I Would Ever Feel Real Ass Love,Or Even A Real Solid Relationship. Im Lost In My Player Ways, And No One Can Pull Me Out. I Dont Want To Be a Player. Nor Did I Want To Get Played MySelf. "Play The Game Like A Man Or Get Played Like A Bitch" Numerous Times I Have Been The "Bitch" And Even More Times The "Man" Ive Been In Three Realtionships, With Guys I Truely Care About. I Tried My Best With The First One. Never Lied Or Cheated. He Always Lied, Cheated And Hit Me. Buh Yet I Stuck Around. Finally He Broke Uhp With Me. It Took Me Over A Year To Get Over Him. I Met The Second March 26 2010. He Was Someone I Could See Myself With Forever. We Had Big Plans! Buh Little Did I Know What I Was Getting Into Would Soon Fall. All I Am Going To Say Is He Never Stuck Uhp For Me. Now The Last Is More Then A Boy. He Was EVERYTHING. It Started 8th Grade Year, And I Dont Think It Will End. To Be Quite Honest, The First And Last Boy Made Me Turn Into A Player. They Both Made Me Cry. So Much I Could Make Another Lake Tahoe. Unfortunality The Second Boy Had To Suffer With Who I Was At The Time. I Pick And Chose Between Two. I Aint Gunna Lie. I Love Both. And Sometimes I Wish I Could Combine Them. I Need To Find Myself Before I Get In Another Relationship. I Have To Step Out Of This Player I Am, And Come Back To The Real Me, So I Can Give A Person A Shot Without Hurting Them. I Know I Have Been A Liar, A Cheater, And I Am Not Proud Of It. It Reminds Me Of My Dad..I Dont Want To Be Himm. I Fall To Quick, And Say "I Love You" Without Meaning It In The Way It Should Be Used. I Cant Be This Person Anymore. I Cant Hurt Someone Else, Cause In The End Im Hurting Myself. I Will Change My Ways. Always Be Real, And Take My Time. It Wont Be Easy Buh I Will Overcome This Problem. I Am Done The Player I Am.

6:15 Am!

It All Started Like This..
"All Im Goona Say Its Funny How You Say We Gonna Work Out But You Stiill Mess With Other Dudes"
"And I Can Say The Same About Yu And Other Girls. Dont Start Asuming Shid Cause Im Sick Of It!"
I Fell Asleep..

I Was Awoke By This Phone Call
"Incoming Call Jesse"
Mmm I Thought To Myself. Is He Really Calling Or Am I Dreaming??
I Answered
"Hello" I Said With My Morning Voice
"Hey" He Said With Hes Soft Buh Manly Voice!
I Was Waiting For Him To Yell And Scream And Just Fight With Me. Instead I Get
"Baby? Did I Wake You Uhp"
"No You Didnt" I Said Shocked
"I Heard Something And I Took It Out On You, I Just Tripped Out, When I Didnt Know If It Was True"
"Well You Gotta Ask Me First, Cause Im Sick Of All This Shid"
"I Know, And Thats Why Im Asking You Now.."
"Buh You Shouldve Before"
"Well What Do You Need From Me?"
"All I Want From You Is To Be Reall"
"Ohk"
"I Didnt Know You Talked To Ashliee?"
"Yeah I Did Before We Started Talking"
"OH."
"Yeah..On Friday, I Heard Wah I Heard And I Asked Her To Hang Out, I Wanted To Get Back At You, Buh I Didnt..I Felt Quilty."
"Its Ok. Next Time Just Ask"
"Ok I Love You"
"I Love You To"
We Hung Uhp. Then I Noticed I Had Texts. I Looked At Them And Wah I Saw Changed My Mind About Everything..
"You Know Im Here For You And I Will Be Here! And Yeah I Did Talk To Another Female For About A Day And That Was When I Heard You Were Still With Jermaine."
"But I Only Did It To Get Back At You. Yea I Do Love You Jaz, And I Do Want Something With You But We Both Fucking Uhp. So What Do We Do?"

And It Ended Uhp Perfect. Cause I Feel He Is Serious. So Ima Do My Best And He Will Do His:)

Regrets.

i dont have any regrets,except letting you go
i dont have any regrets,except not telling you "i love you"
i dont have any regrets,except not believing in you
i dont have any regrets,except not believing in us.

im hurting inside, cause i know this was a mistakeeeeeee
im hurting inside, cause i know i was wronggg

i wanna cry my eyes out, how could i be so stupid?
uh someone help me, i cant think straight or anything..

Too Latee

"I dont think she understands the sacrifices that I made.Maybe if this bitch had acted right I wouldve stayed
But ive already wasted over half of my life I wouldve laid Down and died for you I no longer cry for you
No more pain bitch you Took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet Into the dirt I can no longer stand it Now my respect I demand it Imma take control of this relationship Command it, and imma be the boss of you now goddamnit And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me
So you better hear me out this much you owe me I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while ive stayed Paved for all the way this is how I fucking get repaid Look at how I dress fucking baggy sweats, go to work a mess Always in a rush to get back to you I aint heard you yet Not even once say you apreciate me I deserve respect I've done my best to give you nothing less than perfectness And I know that if I end this I'll no longer have nothing left But you keep treating me like a staircase its time to fucking step And I wont be coming back so dont hold your fucking breath You know what youve done no need to go in depth
I told you, youd be sorry if I fucking left Id laugh while you wept Hows it feel now, yeah, funny aint it, you neglected me Did me a favor though my spirit free you've set But a special place for you in my heart I have kept It's unfortunate but its,TOO LATE"
-Eminem

This Is How Im Feeling At This Point. I Cant Find A Better Way To Express It. Eminem Sums it Uhp For Me At This Point.

Get OVER It!!!

Im Done With All The Drama In This World. I Am Who I Am. Im Sorry For Calling You All THose Names. And Im Better Then That. Ima Be The Matture Person. Rewrite It.

Please Dont Look At Me!
Please Dont Talk About Me!
Please Dont Assume Shit!
Please Dont Hate On Something You Cant Have!
You Have No Idea What I Have Been Through With This Certain Someone.
Its More Then Anyone Knows/Ever Wiill Know
You Cant Stop Something So Strong Or Break Something So Real
Im Done With The Drame. Just Leave ME ALONE!

Unthinkable!

This Could Be Something Falling Too Fast, Clearly Rules Don't Apply, Can't Believe That I Just Met You, You Got Me Here, Watching Minutes Pass By, Wondering When To Expect You, There You Go, Is This A Dream? Looking Like.Every Picture That I've Seen Of You.Before, I've Seen It All Before.Now That It's Over, I Should Have Known Better, Than To Think This Is Real And You Could Be Mine.
I Should Have Known Better, Slowed It Down, Cuz I Feel.You Needed Time. But I Kept Thinking.
I Always Seem To Fall For Your Type. I Fell In Love With You And I Havent Got Up. I Say I Want To, And Ill Never Love You Again. Lies. All Lies. I Never Wanna Stop Loving You. I Know We Go Througghh Some Weird Things, Buh I Know You Love Me. I Say You Dont, Buh I Know The Truth.
Im Ready For You, Kill Em All. Im Ready To Start Over. Im Ready To Say Yes. Im Ready To Be Your Girl, And Never Let You Slip Through My Fingers. My Mind Made Up. Im Ready For You. Never Been So Sure. Its All Apart Of My Plan. Lets Shut It Down. Lets Prove Em All Wrongg!
Your The Best I Ever Had I Know That For a Fact. You Say Things You Dont Mean, And Do Things Wrong. You Have A Big Heart And I Wanna Share It Like The Last Slice. We Can Be The Power Couple Of The Future, We Can Run This Town, This World. I Want This Forever. Cause You Hold Me Down Like Noone Has. The Money Aint The Issue, Baby Your So Official:)
I L.O.V.E You, Let Me Tell You Like This: Without You There's No Me. I Can't Continue This Journey Of Life Without You And I Just Say I Just Wanna Let You Know The I Love You So Much And I Put Nothing Above You.
Now Can We Do The U N T H I N K A B L E ? ?

Cant Let It Go

im thinking back on our past and everything we have been through. every moment has a reason and a purpose. i know i say i hate you, i dont wanna be with you, or even be your friend. little do you know. your who i wannna be with, i love you, and i want you to be my bestfriend. im scared to say it to your face, or even write you a letter. im scared of your reaction or what you might say back. my heart belongs to you, always have. i cant let you go even if it would save me. i look at you and see my husband, the father of my children. you are just like me and im just like you. mom even says we are meant for eachother. Mrs Hjlemstad says we need to forget the drama and work it outt. Still im scared. i just read your status on myspaceee and my heart dropped to my tummy. seeing you fall for someone else,liking someone or even hear you say i love you and my name doesnt follow...i hurt inside. i put up a front to show im strong, my guard is up buh slowly its falling for the love you. i dont know what to do anymorre. i need you. i need us. i need our love.